turkey shoot
by ninja hampster
Summary: Thanksgiving is coming up and a gang of mobsters has their sights on a "poultry" prize.


Turkey shoot

The week before Thanksgiving 1922, the air is filled with the smell of pumpkin pie. It's a nice calm day in the Windy City… or so it seems…

Downtown in a small building down two flights of stairs, through a locked door, and down another flight of stairs, in a dimly lit room, four mobsters. The boss is known as Big Mac, renowned for his stoutness and cheap toupee. Bob "the brick", a loyal grunt known for his strength and lack of intelligence. Louis "cannon", a trigger-happy Sicilian with a tendency not wash his white suit after a particularly messy job. Then there was "Slim" Jim, a sly Italian who liked working in secret and could pick a lock in three seconds. The four men sat around the table and plotted their next big job.

"Alright boys, we got a problem, the feds have shut down our biggest speakeasy and funds are goin' down 'da pipes. We needs a new scam." Big Mac said as he took a big puff on his cigar.

"We need something that'll make a bundle of dough really fast." Louis added as he cleaned his gun.

"Howz about wez go an' pull a job at da' bank?" Bob suggested while munching on some sausage.

whack!

"What are ya' stoopid!" Jim said as he hit Bob in the head. "Ya' want the feds all over us?"

"Daaaah," Bob managed to say as tried to recover from the blow.

"I've got it!" shouted the boss, "Boys what month is it?"

"June?" Bob said.

whack!

"Guess ya are stoopid!" Jim said as the back of his hand met Bob's head a second time. "Everyone knows its November!"

"Das' right and wit Tanksgivin' comin' up everyone wants a turkey." Mac said.

"I tink I know where yer goin' wit 'dis." Louis said. "Ya' wants ta' go an' steal all da' turkeys 'den we make a killin' sellin' 'dem."

"Ya right", responded the boss, "an' since 'dares only one turkey warehouse in the city 'dis could be our easiest job yet."

The next day the gang planned their heist. The warehouse was a large brick building filled with turkey pens with an office and break room on the north wall.

Bob suggested that they go and ask the people if they would give them all their turkeys (his idea was rewarded with a rather hard knock to the head).

Jim suggested that they sneak in and put the guards into cement "shoes"; unfortunately they were out of cement and the hardware store was closed for the holidays.

Louis suggested that they break in and introduce the guards to their "little friends". His idea was nixed because if all the guards were killed the police would have no problem coming in and taking care of the mobsters.

Finally they all agreed on the boss' plan; they sneak into the warehouse, tie up the guards and threaten to shoot them if the cops arrive.

So in the dark of night two days before Thanksgiving the gang set the plan into motion. Jim sneaked into the warehouse via the air vent and managed to put two guards to sleep. Then Louis smashed down the door to the break room, Tommy gun in hand and surprised another two. Bob simply used his massive arms to give the last one a one-way trip to dreamland. Then the boss simply drove up to the warehouse and helped his men tie and gag the guards and lock them in the break room.

Everything was going according to plan until they received a phone call from the head of the turkey company. The CEO wanted to make sure that everything was ready for Thanksgiving. When no one answered the executive called the police. In minutes the building was surrounded by police cars and gun-toting policemen. From the second story window, the gangsters voiced their warnings about hostages and even brought one forward saying, "If ya' don't put 'doze guns down it's curtains fer 'dese guys."

In the break room one of the guards had managed to untie the ropes holding him and began to sneak into the room where the turkeys were kept. He began opening the pens and the turkeys made a mad dash for the door. Meanwhile the gangsters were making their demands to the police. When all of a sudden they saw a huge amount of turkeys erupt from the doors.

"Let 'em have it!" Mac yelled, and the men opened fire on the turkeys. In the ensuing chaos the police freed the hostages and captured the mobsters. Mac, Louis, and Bob were sentenced to life in prison. Jim was acquitted of the charges following the mysterious suicide of the judge (he tripped and stabbed himself in the back 18 times before shooting himself in the head and jumping off a bridge). Everyone had a happy Thanksgiving, that is, everyone except the turkeys.


End file.
